What does your man want that you’re not giving him? Or is it just his issue?

If you really want to solve this problem, you have to understand your role in why he’s distant. But that’s going to take some self-honesty. Are you ready?

To get him to talk to you like he used to, we need to shine the spotlight on you:

* What is it about you that he loved so much that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you?
* How were you interacting with him when he fell in love with you?
* How did you make him feel when you fell head-over-heels in love with him, and you talked together?
* Does he still recognize you today as that person you were in the above questions?

Are you still behaving as the happy, deeply caring, sensual, inviting and radiant woman that won his heart? First, let’s say that you are.

The biggest complaint I get from men about their wives is that they don’t feel appreciated. And the immediate answer I get from wives (usually with defensiveness) is, "but I do appreciate him."

Here’s the truth that women sometimes find hard to believe; whatever it is that you are doing to appreciate your man, it isn’t working. This is where the self-honesty has to exist.

Could you be more appreciative of him?

* Could you tell him more often how grateful you are for what he’s done, and does do for you and the family?
* Could you show him you value his presence in your life more often?
* Could you point out what he does well or what you admire in him?
* Could you be more focused on what he needs the most from you?
* Could you be more inviting and expressive sensually?

If you are willing to examine your role, you’re likely to find room for improvement on how you demonstrate that you appreciate him.

Now let’s say you aren’t behaving as you were when you captured his heart.

Why not?

* Are you angry, bitter and resentful towards him for not valuing you in some way?
* Are you unhappy with yourself?
* Are you stressed out and overwhelmed?
* Have you been neglecting your own nurturing or self-care?
* Are you looking for him to change, or to fix your relationship?

Whatever your reason is and it may be perfectly valid; you have the power to shift how he is behaving by changing your own behavior. If you want him to be more present and communicative with you, then you must bring out more or your softness, happiness, fun, lightness and playfulness to him.

Demands, attitude, withdrawal, more Facebook time, criticism, and withholding anything; including kindness and sex, will not win his heart.

Be willing to be vulnerable. That is your power.

Ask him to hold you, knowing that he might screw it up, or say something stupid, or not be present, or even say "no." And be willing to do it again and again with softness. "Will you please hold me for just a few moments, just hold me, that’s all?" This has the potential of creating a new special moment between you.

Ask for his help. Say with your most loving and sensual voice, “Will you help me?” “I love you, and I’m committed to making our relationship better. Will you help me.” How does he respond?

How does he respond to your happiness, to your softness, to your radiance, to your sensuality, to your invitation, to your expressiveness? You are all you need to begin to transform your marriage. You might even ask him to read this to see his reaction.

Jeff Forte is an expert in Relationship Dynamics, Divorce Prevention and Marriage Repair, and the author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle," where you can find immediately helpful ideas that will work to quickly to increase connection. He has the expertise to help couples resolve their marriage conflicts even when traditional couples counseling has failed. For a complimentary consultation to get his insights on your situation visit www.90minutemarriagemiracle.com or email jeff@peakresultscoaching.com.