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10 Holiday Tips For Divorced Parents: Avoiding Fights With Your ExThe holidays are a particularly emotionally charged time of year. Here's how to prepare to stay in good cheer.
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The holiday season is a time when you can reflect on what you're grateful for to avoid the things that haven't worked.
“ You don’t want [your kids] to grow up hating the holidays because they carry bad memories with their parents playing tug ‘o war in any form...”
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There is no time more sensitive for divorced parents and their children than around the holidays. I’m no stranger to emotionally-charged custody disputes, and the need to negotiate to keep the peace–particularly at this time of year, when preventing arguments, hard feelings, or even worse—physical scuffles might come into play.
The end result of parents going to war during the holidays is that the children often become the "collateral damage." Such contentious acts between parents usually impact the children in a negative way and can do so for life! It’s been my mission to offer parents insight into how to steer clear of any discord over the holiday season.
Here are 10 tips on how to handle the complexities of the "blended" family, and how to avoid making mistakes one will likely regret.
1. Give, differently: Think about offering peace; it can be a great holiday gift.
2. Get creative in venting negative energy: Help out a non-profit with its holiday giving efforts; knit an ugly sweater; paint your frustration and anger (abstractly) on a large canvas.
3. Surround yourself with good cheer: Hit every holiday event where those attending are in good moods; sharing laughter and heartwarming stories.
4. Set a good example: Be the parent that acts like the adult, despite your ex’s antics.
5. No bad-mouthing: Kids dislike hearing one parent talk down the other parent. Since each child is half one parent; half the other, it will inevitably make the child feel bad, even if he or she remains silent when it happens, and later.
6. Get counseling: You can speak your mind safely, cry your eyes out and say all the things you dislike about the holidays and why. Visiting a therapist is a safe place to unload your angst and sadness.
7. Take the high road: Despite what your ex does to disrupt your "peace on earth" approach to the holidays don’t stoop to your ex’s level. Think: "Good will toward men and women."
8. Think: Kids first: You don’t want them to grow up hating the holidays because they carry bad memories with their parents playing tug ‘o war in any form—be it outdoing the other with gifts, hogging more quality time; feeling the anger and pain while they are making the parental "exchange."
9. Be grateful: Even though Thanksgiving is over, continue to focus on that holiday’s purpose and carry it through the rest of the year.
10. Look ahead: If the holidays are anything but merry for you, mark the days until… on the calendar and promise yourself a nice reward when January 2 rolls around.
Steve Mindel is the managing partner at Feinberg, Mindel, Brandt & Klein in Los Angeles and was featured on the cover of Los Angeles magazine's "Super Lawyers" edition. He also has appeared on KCBS, KABC, KTLA, KCAL, CNN, SiriusXM radio, “Good Morning America,” the “Today” show, “Dateline,” “Access Hollywood,” and “Entertainment Tonight,” and been quoted in many print and online publications as well, including Reuters, the Associated Press, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Daily Journal, Business Insider, People magazine, and E! Online, among others. Mindel is bright, fast-paced, extremely knowledgeable and articulate on-air when speaking about family law issues. He can add insight to any story that deals with marriage, divorce, custody issues, paternity, prenuptial agreements and the reasons why couples break up. Please contact Cherie Kerr at: Cherie@kerrpr-execuprov.com or 714 550-9900 or cell 714 271-2140 for an interview.
The end result of parents going to war during the holidays is that the children often become the "collateral damage." Such contentious acts between parents usually impact the children in a negative way and can do so for life! It’s been my mission to offer parents insight into how to steer clear of any discord over the holiday season.
Here are 10 tips on how to handle the complexities of the "blended" family, and how to avoid making mistakes one will likely regret.
1. Give, differently: Think about offering peace; it can be a great holiday gift.
2. Get creative in venting negative energy: Help out a non-profit with its holiday giving efforts; knit an ugly sweater; paint your frustration and anger (abstractly) on a large canvas.
3. Surround yourself with good cheer: Hit every holiday event where those attending are in good moods; sharing laughter and heartwarming stories.
4. Set a good example: Be the parent that acts like the adult, despite your ex’s antics.
5. No bad-mouthing: Kids dislike hearing one parent talk down the other parent. Since each child is half one parent; half the other, it will inevitably make the child feel bad, even if he or she remains silent when it happens, and later.
6. Get counseling: You can speak your mind safely, cry your eyes out and say all the things you dislike about the holidays and why. Visiting a therapist is a safe place to unload your angst and sadness.
7. Take the high road: Despite what your ex does to disrupt your "peace on earth" approach to the holidays don’t stoop to your ex’s level. Think: "Good will toward men and women."
8. Think: Kids first: You don’t want them to grow up hating the holidays because they carry bad memories with their parents playing tug ‘o war in any form—be it outdoing the other with gifts, hogging more quality time; feeling the anger and pain while they are making the parental "exchange."
9. Be grateful: Even though Thanksgiving is over, continue to focus on that holiday’s purpose and carry it through the rest of the year.
10. Look ahead: If the holidays are anything but merry for you, mark the days until… on the calendar and promise yourself a nice reward when January 2 rolls around.
Steve Mindel is the managing partner at Feinberg, Mindel, Brandt & Klein in Los Angeles and was featured on the cover of Los Angeles magazine's "Super Lawyers" edition. He also has appeared on KCBS, KABC, KTLA, KCAL, CNN, SiriusXM radio, “Good Morning America,” the “Today” show, “Dateline,” “Access Hollywood,” and “Entertainment Tonight,” and been quoted in many print and online publications as well, including Reuters, the Associated Press, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Daily Journal, Business Insider, People magazine, and E! Online, among others. Mindel is bright, fast-paced, extremely knowledgeable and articulate on-air when speaking about family law issues. He can add insight to any story that deals with marriage, divorce, custody issues, paternity, prenuptial agreements and the reasons why couples break up. Please contact Cherie Kerr at: Cherie@kerrpr-execuprov.com or 714 550-9900 or cell 714 271-2140 for an interview.
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