5 Tips to Bring Fun Back to the Bedroom
Sex should be fun! Try these simple tips to make sex a smiling activity.
BY DR. DENISE J. CHARLES

DepositPhotos Sex should be fun and these simple tips can put a smile back on your face. “ Laughter relaxes us, emphasizes our humanity and can significantly reduce sexual performance anxiety.”

The internet and our local bookstores are filled with information about how we can make our sex lives better. Whether its great advice about restoring the sizzle, tips for improving orgasmic intensity, or information about building sexual intimacy, there’s no shortage of advice about how we can maximize our sex. When we think about it, staying in touch with all of that information can be daunting to say the least. In fact, if we’re not careful, our sex lives can suffer from information over load, which may inadvertently take all the fun out of sex. Who wants an overtly prescriptive sex life, when sex is supposed to be a super stress relieving activity?

How then can we get the most out of our sexual relationship with our spouse without the thousandth tip threatening to overwhelm us? Must our sex be Hollywood perfect in order for it to be beautiful and meaningful? Are we sexually dissatisfied because we’re using an impossible yardstick to measure?

Finding a balance between assimilating new information about sex, while simplifying our sexual experience may be a bit of a challenge. However, one of the keys to maintaining sexual interest is the restoration and preservation of a light-hearted fun element—something that shouldn’t be too complicated to experience. Here is how you can fuel the fun in the bedroom.

Make quickies count. There is nothing, perhaps, as endearing in a committed relationship like having sex on the clock. Well, not literally on the clock, but by the timer. This is sex that is short and sweet because it must be had before the kids get up, before the teens return from a date, while the toddlers are playing in the back yard or while Granny is helping out in the laundry room. This isn’t perfected, lazy, drawn out, connoisseur sex, but simple, fun-filled, giggly boinking guaranteed to literally lighten our load and bring a smile for the rest of the day. And the best thing about it is that it’s usually a state secret!

Don’t fear the freaky. Getting your freak on is a great way to lighten the mood in the bedroom and inject a fun element. Whether you do this by wearing a costume and acting out a role, giving your husband a lap dance or doing a seductive strip tease for your wife; doing the unexpected, being spontaneous and laughing at your own efforts can add a sense of dynamism to your marriage. Using unexpected pet names for your genitals or getting really raunchy with your sex talk can add a sense of abandon and pure unadulterated fun.

Laugh your way to orgasm. When was the last time you and your husband or wife started out your sexual encounter with a tickle session or a private seductive joke? Laughter is not only the best medicine for life’s stressors, but it can be a great fuel for kick-starting and sustaining arousal. Your in-bed jokes don’t even all have to be directly sex related. The fact that you’ve brought lightheartedness to the bedroom means that you’ve already taken the edge off of what can easily become a high-stakes activity. Laughter relaxes us, emphasizes our humanity and can significantly reduce sexual performance anxiety. When our sexual space is relaxed and freed from this, then the stage is already set for a great orgasm.

Play sexual peek-a-boo. You can get really creative with this depending on your personality and sense of uninhibitedness. Perhaps flashing your spouse when you’re parked privately somewhere, giving him an unexpected eyeful when he’s leaving for work, grabbing his hand under the table at dinner to show that you’re really au natural under your sexy dress, are all great ways to build anticipation and excitement and can add plain fun to your sex.

Learn to just do it. There’s no escaping the fact that we’re in the age of sexual advice (present company included) and it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. Harnessing knowledge to improve the quality of our relationships is commendable and shouldn’t be stopped. There is tremendous scope, however, for just throwing caution to the wind and enjoying sex for the pure fun of it. We have to learn to just do it! Even when the orgasms are not mind-blowing or we fumble and miss an important step, connecting physically is important for reaffirming our deep commitment.

Dr. Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a Masters Degree in Education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute," a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain."

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