Maximizing on Holiday Moments
4 ways couples can become closer and provide good will to one another, as well as others.
BY DENISE J. CHARLES

DepositPhotos Find those small moments together that will make your holidays special. “ Try going to bed with only a Santa hat on or with a big red bow tied just about anywhere, your husband will love the gift I’m sure.”

I don’t know about anyone else, but I absolutely love this time of the year. The holidays easily fill us with a sense of love, goodwill and a child-like anticipation that is second to none. Particularly, if our childhood experiences were positive, we are usually at pains to try to re-create these warm, fuzzy feelings that we remember so well. In the context of our individual homes and families, the holidays present that opportunity to express feelings of love and appreciation to those with whom we live.

Of course, we are also confronted with the regular holiday challenges like over-spending, lack of planning, too many parties to attend, in-laws and extended family to entertain, gift-buying, last-minute shopping and the like. Whatever negativity may loom on the horizon at this time of the year, the holidays still remain a time of great expectation.

What happens when the adrenaline rush of the holiday season transfers to our marriages? Do we expect a greater relationship this time of the year? Do we anticipate more attention paid to us by our spouse? Better sex? More romance or deeper words of love? With all the love, joy, peace and goodwill floating around, it is, perhaps, perfectly natural to expect a spin off in our love lives. At least I do!

Are these expectations realistic, however, or are we letting ourselves in for a major disappointment? And how can we use the magic of the season to infuse our love lives with some much needed sizzle?

While the holidays can sometimes threaten to overwhelm us with activities which tug us in several directions all at once, there is really no need for a relationship fall out. With loads of purpose and great intention, we can learn to allow the season to weave a special magic, which brings us even closer to our spouse.

Follow these tips for maximum holiday relationship moments:

Give to give: With all the emphasis on giving, it is very appropriate at this time of the year to give to your partner just for the sake of it; with no ulterior motives of what will be coming back your way. My husband and I do not make it a habit to ask what we’re giving each other nor do we plan our gifts with each other. We allow each other to be totally spontaneous and free to give what comes naturally from the heart. We believe that is what a gift should be in the context of a close relationship—not a political statement or a ruse to score points, but a genuine expression of the heart.

Giving at this time should not be limited to literal gifts but should be extended to include the intangibles, like valuable time spent together. The season can get so busy that carving out some couple time by sharing a bite together or a special shopping expedition can serve to deepen your marriage. Like most males, my husband does not like shopping with me, but will make a special effort during the holidays to hunt with me in far out places for special decorative pieces for the house because he knows that holiday decorating means a lot to me and I really appreciate him for this. This is also an aspect of giving. Massaging tired feet or giving a neck and shoulder rub after a long day standing in lines at the mall is another great way to spread sweet holiday cheer to the one you love.

Make a unique relationship memory: There is nothing like creating your own relationship memories together to add that touch of uniqueness to the holidays. This involves birthing traditions of your own or reshaping those passed down from your respective families. These may include how you shop for a tree and creating an event out of decorating it, doing a visual Christmas countdown together, taking couple photos for personalized calendars, looking over photos of previous holidays spent together, writing holiday love letters or poems or doing a Christmas movie night, replete with Christmas goodies and snacks to munch on. Of course, having children involved serves to create wonderful family traditions, but making special moments for just Mom and Dad can also serve to remind us of why we fell in love in the first place.

Connect through charity: So many families and children are not privileged enough to enjoy the goodies of the season, which many of us may take for granted. Embarking on a holiday project together, even if others are involved, is a wonderful way to bond as a couple. Apart from providing an opportunity for you to put your shared values into operation, it can serve as a powerful reminder of how blessed you truly are. As a family, we organize a community caroling and gift giving exercise in a neighborhood where we do not live. We involve others in this activity and experience great satisfaction from spreading holiday cheer and giving to people who do not know us. When we witness our spouse doing a wonderful act of kindness we can fall in love all over again and reaffirm our commitment.

Plan a sexual escapade: Now, someone once said that when we plan special event sex (birthdays, Valentines, anniversaries, Christmas, etc.) we often let ourselves in for a big disappointment because it never lives up to the expectation. I beg to differ. I can think of plenty reasons why the holidays can provide a great opportunity for revving it up in the bedroom. Let’s face it, this is the one time of year when most of us are in a perpetually good mood (minus the Scrooges of course). We feel a lot more generous and are usually willing to go the extra mile for others. Is there any reason why our partner shouldn’t be a natural beneficiary of this magnanimity? These extra feelings of goodwill should definitely be felt in our sex lives. So girls, let this season become the time when you don’t just say "no" easily to sex. Go the extra mile to perk up your bedroom attire with lots of red and white. Try going to bed with only a Santa hat on or with a big red bow tied just about anywhere; your husband will love the gift I’m sure. Husbands can also use this season to pre-package their goodies with a new fragrance, a set of red silk PJ's and a fresh commitment to bring their wives to new heights of pleasure.

Whatever you decide to create together, let this season’s love and goodwill do special work in your relationship as you prepare to face the new year with a fresh sense of purpose. Happy Holidays!

Denise J Charles is an educator, counselor, relationship-coach, published author and blogger. She holds a Masters Degree in Education and is a qualified trainer-of-trainers. Denise is Executive Director of "Better Blends Relationship Institute", a counseling and training entity founded by herself and her husband Gabriel. Denise’s blog on sex can be found "here". Denise’s soon to be released new book is "How To Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Losing Your Brain".

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